why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
