Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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