I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
