he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
