i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
