Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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