Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
