Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
