M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
