fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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