There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
