i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
