Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
