Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
