He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
