Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
