these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
