I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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