He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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