you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
