So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
