I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
