i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
