dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
