don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
