i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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