This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
