Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
