just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
