this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
