hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
