the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
