Barsexuality is the new black.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
