well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
