That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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