We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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