I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
