His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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