yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
