i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
