: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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