if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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