I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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