I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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