11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
