Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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