I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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