I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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