Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the day after is always just damage control
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
