Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
