Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
